Hey Geofd. Thank you for trying to help with this. I think there was miscommunication due to the valve we had being more than 30 years old. I thought I had to remove the large brass cover, and the diverter cover was not obvious that it could be removed with an allen wrench.
Anyway... as I mentioned before I was starting to feel out of my depth so called a plumber. They removed the diverter cover, which on the older model we have is not brass. In any case, they gave me the option of replacing the diverter spindle but did advise me that there was significant corrosion on the inside, so I made the call for them to replace the whole valve, which obviously was expensive, but when it comes to things that can destroy the home if they fail I tend to be pretty cautious. Thanks to ppl here and this experience I can maybe address future issues in other valves with a more incremental approach but at the end of the day valves have a lifetime, and we are good for another 30 years