Cover your counters with a thick layer of Windex, and let it sit for 5-10 minutes before wiping off. Then, go get a few bags of boric acid, which is safe to use and looks like white powder, and sprinkle it around the perimeter of your kitchen, on the outside.
If the above fails, pack up the truck, go back to God's Country (Big Bear), and let your wife deal with them while you are sipping cold beverages!